I don’t want you for a second to think that I am not crazy in love, ridiculously happy, or have forgotten about the serious bling I’ve been rocking for the past two weeks. But. I do feel that the following incidents are a bit much for this week. So let’s take note and not let them happen again, k? Alrighty then.
1) Saturday night, post derby, celebrating with a friend and one of AB’s sisters at our favorite craft cocktail bar. It was lovely. Then my soon-to-be sister-in-law’s face literally fell. Like someone had lit a puppy on fire behind me. So I turned around to see what was going on and less than 18 inches away, there she was. The person I have both stalked and avoided with equal diligence for the last 14 months. AB’s ex.
At this particular establishment it is common to come in, give your number, then come back when a table is open. I hoped that when they left there would not be a return. But alas, about 20 minutes and two gin fizz later there she was sitting two feet immediately to my right with no one between us. I’m sure you’re thinking - okay captain maturity, you’re the one with the engagement ring, you won, you got the guy. And… you’d be right. I did. I got the guy. But what I wanted (and this is a horrible thing to admit) I wanted to feel something. All these months of no run ins had given me the opportunity to create how I thought it would go in my mind. And it was nothing like what I’d imagined. So there’s that.
Oh and I most certainly did not get home later that night (a little too drunk and a lot too emotional) and lock myself in the dark in the walk in closet wrapped in a silk Vince blouse and have a cry about it. No, you did that.
2) Yesterday I’m cruising my way through FB and there somehow snuck into my timeline is a picture of CW smiling right at me from the screen at Red Rocks. Just a refresher: CW comes from Colder Weather, the Zac Brown Band song that pretty much summed up our relationship at times. The song I avoided for a solid 10 months post break up (well, both break ups… all three break ups? who has time to count). Okay, well NO BIG DEAL GOOD FOR YOU ENJOY THE CONCERT and by the way I thought I made an understanding with my FB settings that things like that are not supposed to happen. But I digress.
Skip to last night, 10:30pm finally walking in the door after 10 hours at work then spending the night with my nephew. AB is asleep on the couch and what is on the TV might you ask? The live Zac Brown concert from Red Rocks. I catch myself for a moment because wow this is a weird scene for a lot of reasons, namely that AB doesn’t really love ZBB. But, whatever. He wakes up, gives me a kiss and says, “I thought you’d like this so I recorded it for you - it’s live! Oh and they already played Into the Mystic by Van Morrison (one of our songs).”
I laid my head on his shoulder and thought, okay, I can do this. I can enjoy a sweet gesture by my fiance without thinking about everything that Red Rocks, Colorado, and ZBB typically bring to mind. And then. AND THEN. You know what happens next, right? ”She’d take Colorado if he’d take her with him….” Yup. Of all the timing in all the world THAT happened.
So anyway, Universe. Exes happen. I get it. And I’ve learned this week that just because I’ve got a serious amount of sparkle on my left hand that my maturity level hasn’t exactly grown by leaps and bounds. But I’m trying. I’m trying to remember that the past is just that and I’d rather relish in the amazing memories I’m creating now than be haunted by past hurts and happiness alike. But for a while, I think we’ve filled the quotient for blasts from the past, eh?
Most sincerely grateful and always yours,